mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
