Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
