"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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