Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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