i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
