listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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