god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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