The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
