is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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