Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I would ride that face into the sunset
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
