Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
