I feel like I'm in dance class right now
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
