So drunk its hurt
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I did not marry a roomba.
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