every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
