You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
