I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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