I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
