I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
