One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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