The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
