i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
