youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize