you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
