ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
