kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
