I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
