I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
