woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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