This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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