Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
