it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
