I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
