My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
