I wish I only lived at night.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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