I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
