He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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