omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
