I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
