Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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