Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
