Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
where does the pee come out of this thing
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
