Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
