we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
