for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
