Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
