I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
