What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
