I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
