I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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