Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
