Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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