So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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