Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
