Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
