I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
