Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
