I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
