When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
