i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
