My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
